Barbecue!
by Shiroi Ai
Summary: **One-shot** Yoh-tachi are trying to have a barbecue!! Lots of problems emerge...^___^;; Plz R/R


Disclaimer:: Fill in the blank yourself

Spoiler:: The identity of some evil bad guy…

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

**Barbecue!!**

An attempted comedy

by Crimson Flame

"Kokkurin-san told me that today will be special." Announced Tamao suddenly.

Everyone looked up at once from their own activities and stared at the pink-haired girl. 

Manta had stopped typing in his computer. 

Yoh had stopped polishing his sword. 

Horo Horo had stopped making iceballs and throwing them at Pirica. 

Ren had stopped practicing destroying the furniture. 

Jun had stopped watching Ren practicing destroying the furniture. 

Ryuu had stopped combing and gelling his hair into its cucumber-like shape. 

Lyserg had stopped swinging his pendulum into the different forms of clock towers. 

Chocolove had stopped trying to make Faust laugh.

Seeing everyone's attention at her, Tamao blushed and stammered on, blabbering out like a speeding train.

"I'mnotsurewhatorwhyorhow,butthere'sgonnabeafire,somesandandacow."

Everyone blinked. No one uttered a single word. Then,

"Uh….Can someone repeat what she said?" Yoh said scratching his head. .

"Eh?"

"Nah."

"burp"

"Eww, that was gross Boro Boro."

"Nop."

"Hah?"

"Huh?"

"No clue."

Tamao **Sweatdrops.**

"Ah umm, ano…." Tamao started again. Slowly this time.

Then the door slammed open and in stepped…uh…in the fierce Okami!

"I'm hungry! We're going for a barbecue!" Anna shouted out of the blue.

**A tumbleweed flies by.**

"Barber Queue!" Chocolove exclaimed.

**Crickets chirped.** 

Ren poked Chocolove's stubby nose with his lance, sending the bushy-haired comedian jumping up and down, howling.

Then they got up and left for the beach for the promised special day.

~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~

Other people who were at the beach watched with their jaws dropped in awe of the strange group that had recently arrived.

"Amidamaru in Harusame! Oversoul!" Yoh shouted. The blade shimmered with Amidamaru's spirit and transformed into its usual appearance, with its light blue aura beneath partial red shields.

"Sinkuu Buttagiri!" 

A bright red light appeared and created a deep gash in the ground. Yoh brushed away the sweat that trickled down the side of his face and grinned proudly at the gaping hole in the sand. 

"I've dug the hole Anna!" Yoh told the Itako, relieved that his job is over.

Anna took off her sunglasses and glanced at the result. Calmly she got up from her resting place under the shade and walked towards Yoh.

Yoh was grinning widely and expectantly for a compliment from Anna. Anna stopped right in front of him and stood there without a word or movement. 

"A-anna?"

"Yoh, let me ask you something." She said softly and stared into his eyes sensually.

"Y-yes" Yoh gulped.

"What happens to the ground when you dig something from it?"

"Is this a trick question?" Yoh began to sweat harder.

"No Yoh darling, it is not." Anna said through gritted teeth.

"Umm….there is a hole in it?"

"Yes, that is right. Such a clever boy." Anna said circling her hands around Yoh's neck. Gently she stroked the flushed skin at the nape making Yoh tremble slightly.

"Now, do you know what happens to that something?" Anna said, leaning towards him and whispered into his ear.

"I-I ah…It's n-no longer in the ground?" Yoh stammered, blushing deep red at the sudden nearness of his fiancée. His heart was doing flip-flops in his chest.

She stared down at her feet not giving Yoh even a glance. Her hands were still wrapped around his neck and Yoh noticed a twinge of red beneath the blond locks. Then her whole body began to tremble.

"What a genius I have for a future husband….." Anna said softly.

Then Yoh felt the hands around his neck begin to tighten. A lot.

****

"SURE!! OF COURSE IT'S NO LONGER IN THE GROUND!!! THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S ALL OVER THE PLACE YOU BAKA!!!!" 

True to word, there was sand all over their side of the beach. Yoh's friends were no where to be seen because they'd been buried from head to toe in the sand that Yoh had carelessly dug up.

Anna gripped Yoh's neck tightly like a someone would grip a baseball bat, and shook him for all she was worth.

"I never _shake_ told you _shake_ to dig a _shake_ hole a 100 meters _shake_ across! We're not here _shake_ to _shake_ plant coconut trees! We're _shake_ here _shake_ for _shake_ a barbecue!" She yelled out, her face burning red with anger.

"Waa uuaaa uuaaa" @____@ was all Yoh could say.

~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~

When everyone else settled down after digging themselves out, and there was a efficient hole in the ground, Anna walked towards some nearby bushes and pulled out a huge spotted cow.

Yoh-tachi stared at the black and white beast. It just stared back uninterestedly, chewing a piece of grass with a very Yoh-like expression on its face.

"Moo?"

"I need a volunteer. We're having barbecued beef today." Anna said casually.

"T-this cow looks like me." Yoh stammered. **Everyone fell**

"Moo?"

"Hey I recognize that cow! It's cow no. 33 from Tao family's ranch no. 33!" Ren exclaimed and he looked accusingly at Anna.

"Moo."

"And your point is…" Anna gave him the Death glare.

Nobody said anything.

"Hmmm…I know. The point is that there are still 32 cows left at ranch no. 33." Yoh finally said after giving it some thought.

**Everyone falls again**

"Moooooo."

"Anyway, I like my food fresh." Anna added after regaining her composure.

"I'll do it." Faust said leading the cow away. "Aaah, a willing subject for my experiment. Ahahhahahhahahaha" Faust cackled crazily.

**Everyone sweatdrops** -__-;;

"He's a very disturbed person." Anna said when they disappeared behind some bushes.

"The pot calling the kettle black." Lyserg stated.

The next thing anyone knew, the emerald-haired boy was on the ground with a bump on his head and a few broken teeth.

"Yush." Anna dusted the dirt off her fists.

Then they waited. A few hundred minutes later and after a few Moooo!!s, Faust returned with a smile covered in splashes of red.

"Yo. Anything happen while I was gone? **sparkle sparkle** " Faust asked happily.

"Eheheh..."

Everyone gulped at the bloody sight and looked at each other nervously. They stepped back slowly away from the doctor. Faust looked undeterred.

"Here you go Anna-san." Faust said hauling a few slabs of meat and dropping them onto the plastic mat that was laid on the ground.

"Good work. Go and sit there next to that useless lazy-bum." Anna gestured to where Yoh was. His hands seemed to be tied up behind his back and his knees were bent as if he was sitting on an imaginary chair. 

It seemed that Anna had decided that Yoh couldn't make himself useful enough. Therefore the only thing left for him to do is the 'T' word. Training!

Yoh was crying waterfalls and Amidamaru muttered a "Yoh-dono…." in sympathy.

Everyone except the girls suddenly dropped to their knees and began to pray.

"Thank you God for not making Kyoyama Anna my fiancée!" They shouted out simultaneously.

**Wham! Wham!**

The guys lay paralyzed on the ground.

"Ryuu. You and Manta go fetch some firewood." Anna ordered.

"H-hai Okami!" Ryuu said saluting and dragged the short teenager towards the nearby forest.

"Jun, could you please look around for some dry leaves?" Anna asked politely.

"Sure. Let's go Pyron." Jun said and headed away along the beach.

"Ren. Cut those meat into smaller pieces."

"Whatever." Ren replied.

"Iloveher." Chocolove said.

Another poke to the nose and he was off running away yelling in pain.

~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~

Everyone sat down in a circle around the hole.

The firewood Ryuu and Manta brought back were arranged in a neat pile in the hole.

The leaves Jun and Pyron brought were scattered around the arranged pile.

"Yoh. The matches."

Yoh stepped up towards Anna with a stiff back groaning softly. He then handed her a matchstick and the matchbox.

Anna lighted up the matchstick and proceeded to light the firestarter. But before it could burn enough, a gust of wind blew out the flame.

The Itako sighed and threw the burnt out match over her shoulder. She dug into the matchbox for a fresh matchstick. Her slender fingers moved around in the matchbox for a while before they came to a stop.

"Yoh….." --___--¤

"Ah-he-he-he..I forgot to check?" Yoh said running far far away and disappeared in a blink of an eye.

"Where did he learn to run so fast?" An amazed Horo Horo whispered to Ren.

"Survival instinct." Ren whispered back logically, sipping on the fresh milk he had bought earlier.

Horo Horo nodded in agreement and offered him some ice for his milk.

"What do we do now? The matchbox is empty. Okami used up our last match." Ryuu asked around.

"I did not know it was the last match!" Anna said defending herself.

"Perhaps we could ask for some from someone over there." Lyserg suggested, pointing to the some people from behind a huge boulder.

"Good idea. I'll go!" Manta volunteered and rushed off. 

The group waited as he disappeared round the boulder.

~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~

The gang looked up when Manta came back with a hooded person beside him and a little white sheep trailing from behind.

"Hey guys. This is Siemotu Ah-kun and his sheep Mama. They were alone there so I invited them to join us. Ah-kun said he had some matches."

"No I didn't. I said that I would help you build a fire." Came a deep voice from under the hood.

"Same thing. Why don't you put down your hood and introduce yourself properly, Siemotu Ah-kun?" Anna said suspiciously.

"Fine."

A gloved hand came from under the robes to pull down the hood, revealing someone they knew very well.

"I am Seimotu Ah! **S**exy **I**rresistible **E**vil **M**aster **O**f **T**he **U**niverse, **A**sakura **H**ao-kun!" Hao announced with a grin.

**Everyone fell**

"Ni-san!" Yoh shouted suddenly. 

"Eh?!! When did you get back?!!" Everyone asked simultaneously.

"I came back as soon as I realized HE was here." Yoh pointed to Hao who looked back innocently.

"How did you know he was here?" Everyone asked again.

"I can……SMELL him!!!" Yoh declared. (refer to ep 41-I think, where Lyserg said Yoh smelled like Hao ^__^;;)

**Everyone turns white**

"S-smell? B-but I bathe every single day! Don't go around saying things like that! It'd ruin my 'Sexy Irresistible Evil Master Of The Universe' reputation!!" Hao said annoyed.

**Wind blows by again**

"It's quite windy today." Someone stated.

"'**S**tupid **I**diotic **E**goistic **M**oron **O**f **T**he **U**niverse' is more like it." Lyserg said with resentment in his voice.

Everyone nodded their head.

Everyone got their head burnt to a crisp.

"Now, let's forget about the past and concentrate on the present? I'm hungry. Where do I start the fire?" Hao said mournfully clutching his stomach which growled noisily.

"Never! You evil monster! We'd rather starve then let you….._~~~GROWL~~~_" Horo Horo grinned sheepishly when he was cut off by his empty, noisy stomach.

"You were saying?" Hao said smugly.

"It's a deal. We share our food. You share your fire power." Anna said calmly sipping her tea underneath a shady area. 

Yoh-tachi let their jaws drop at the sudden decision.

"Well, if that's the case….." Yoh said with his eyes hidden in downcast shadows. He had spoken softly and his voice held a lot of churning emotions. His hands clenched into fists at his sides, trembled.

The group wondered when Yoh would explode in anger and the fight would begin. Anxiously, they brought their weapons ready and held them on standby.

There was a completely silent moment. Then,

"WELCOME TO THE FEAST NI-SAN!!!" Yoh exclaimed in a happy voice and lead Hao into the circle. He began to chatter excitedly with his twin, who responded with the same enthusiastic gabble.

Everyone(except Anna who was accustomed to Yoh's weird mood swings) let their jaws drop once more along with their weapons when the two warring brothers started to act like old-time friends.

Hesitantly, they formed a better circle around the hole letting in Hao and his sheep.

"Well do your stuff." Anna commanded.

Hao nodded and raised his right arm into the air.

"Spirit Of Fire!" he shouted to summon his main spirit.

"Spare Outer Tire!" Chocolove exclaimed as he struck the same pose.

**Wind blows again** 

Chocolove was burned into a pile of ashes and blown away by the wind that was blowing.

~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~¤~

When a proper fire was finally lit, it was already dark. Everyone ate happily and tried to ignore the enemy sitting in their midst. 

"Hey Ren. This piece is too big. Cut it up for me will ya?"

"Chungkat Zanmai!"

"Hey Horo Horo more ice over here!"

"Kororo, ganbatte!"

All the while, Lyserg kept trying to skewer Hao with his dowsing pendulum but only succeeded in skewering the meat he used as a shield instead. 

Manta kept researching in his computer for a way to defeat Hao.

Faust was too busy eyeing his wife Eliza.

Horo Horo kept licking his lips while staring at the sheep by Hao's side. "I like mutton. I like mutton. I like mutton. I like mutton." Came a mantra that he recited over and over.

The sheep happened to look his way and saw his hungry look. --___--;;

It quickly turned back into Opacho, cute and faithful follower of Hao-sama.

Horo Horo cried when he lost sight of his new food source. T___T

Ren muttered a 'Baka' at him and continued drinking his milk.

Only Yoh didn't seem to mind. He sat between his brother and his fiancée with his baka grin on his face as if there is nothing wrong with the picture at all.

Then the fire began to get a little dimmer.

"These aren't enough. We need a bit more." Anna said and headed towards Ryuu. In a movement to fast for anyone to see, she snatched away his wooden sword and threw it into the fire.

"My sword Okami!" T___T Ryuu cried in agony.

"I'll buy you a new one when we get back." Anna said without thinking much.

"Yeah, with my money." Manta muttered to himself.

"Sorry Jun, we need your paper thingies too." Anna said.

"They are called 'Ofuda'."

"Whatever. Hand them over. It's not like you need them or anything."

Jun was suddenly enlightened that she actually didn't use them all since the battle with Yoh. She'd been carrying along useless paper all the time. (Should have practiced Origami on them.)

With the recent 'sacrifices' to the fire, the flames burned brighter and hotter.

Hao suddenly whipped up a bottle of fine vine and opened it for all of them to drink. 

Though wary at first, all of them drank until they were drunk.

"Ya know, _hic_ I never wanna be the mean, evil guy. _hic_ I always wanted to live in peace and harmony with all my friends…_hic_ And oh I never wanna _hic_ keep my _hic_ hair long ya know? It always gets in my eyes ya know? _hic_ But those production _hic_ people told me to coz' they were _hic_ afraid that the dumb _hic_ viewers couldn't tell if I was _hic_ you _hic_ or me. _hic_. Waaaaa everyone is so mean to me!!!!!" T____T Hao cried hugging his brother after confessing his deepest dreams.

"And I never _hic_ wanna be the hero! I always _hic_ wished I was _hic_ a fisherman! But noooooo_hic_, I had to be some super _hic_ shaman! And I _hic_ wanted to keep my hair _hic_ long! Long-haired guys _hic_ get all the girls. But _hic_ those production people _hic_ also told me to coz' they _hic_ were afraid that the dumb _hic_ viewers couldn't _hic_ tell if I was you _hic_ or me. _hic_" T___T Yoh cried too while hugging his brother back.

"Hey guys! _hic_ Let's _hic_ sing the Barney _hic_ theme song!!!"

"Bar.._hic_..ney?"

"Are those _hic_ those white things used for drinks and cereals?"

"That's _hic_ Barley."

"I'm _hic_ talking 'bout Barney _hic_ the purple dino.._hic_..saur!"

"_hic_ Oh yeah! Let's _hic_ do it!"

So the group happily sang, 

"I love you, _hic_ you love me,

We _hic_ are one happy _hic_ family,

With a great _hic_ big hug,

And _hic_ a kiss from me to _hic_ you,

Won't you _hic_ say _hic_ you love me too…._hic_"

And so they sang on and on until every single one of them fainted.

~¤~THE END~¤~

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

The winds were produced using massive fans.

No cows or sheep were harmed during the production of this fic. I can't guarantee what happened after that though….@__@;; 

If this fic made you laugh or even smile, please return the favor by leaving me you wonderful reviews!!! Luv ya all!! ^__^


End file.
